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Identities

Just recently I had a coaching call with one of my business coaches.

He sensed there was something wrong and wanted to check in.

And he was right.

I was feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed.

So we talked about what was going on and why I was so stressed.

In doing this, I described the thoughts that were going through my head.

I’m a failure.

I suck.

My product sucks.

Why would anyone buy from me?

Why would anyone listen to me?

I’m a nobody.

I should give up.

My identity was wrapped up in failure and negativity.

What’s scary is this is the story and my identity that has been forming my perspective for as long as I can remember.

No wonder I have doubt, anxiety and difficulty actioning tasks.

I had no faith in myself or my ability.

I doubted everything I was doing. Not because I didn’t believe in it but because I didn’t believe in me.

So my task was to look at the evidence.

Now this was interesting! I’m an evidence-based person. I love me some studies and research

What was the evidence showing me?

Well the evidence was actually showing me the total opposite of what I was believing.

How does this happen? How do we let ourselves believe a lie? And then how do we change this?

I believe we buy into a lie because in part, we don’t really think that much of ourselves and also because it’s more comfortable allowing ourselves to think we’re average, to think we can’t change and to think this is our lot in life, than to push and try and excel.

Trying to become great, trying to become our best version of ourselves can put a big ol’ target on our backs.

No-one likes seeing your new found discipline as it makes them feel bad for their lack of it, or having your new improved habits shining a spotlight on their less than ideal habits.

So people will try and pull you down or they’ll frame what you’re doing in negative language. You’re suddenly obsessed, or extreme or taking it too far.

The funny thing is – it’s not even about you. It’s about them and how you’re making them feel.

So, we tend to try and stay in our comfort zone so as to not cause any ripples.

We stay in our comfort zone because we don’t really have any belief in ourselves.

So how do we change?

First, we have to identify our lies. We have to call them out.

What is your current identity? Write it down. Acknowledge it.

Then consider what does the evidence actually says?

You say, “I’m a loser”. The evidence says you have a partner, children and friends who adore you.

You say, “I can’t lose weight”. The evidence says you keep hijacking yourself before you have a chance to succeed.

You say, “I’m a failure”. The evidence says you are a successful, intelligent person who is great at….( my job, raising my kids, being a friend etc.).

You need to write down what the evidence actually says and keep writing it down until you believe it.

Then you need to take yourself out of the comfort zone. Yes it’s easy being there but there’s no growth and no change.

If you want to form a new identity then you have to do something new.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

Start today. Start now. Who are you really? What do the evidence actually say?

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